History Laughs

Classes start tomorrow - I still have a syllabus to figure out for Tuesday. So obviously what I need to be doing is looking for historical jokes. Here are some of the best I've found:

1. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

2. Jimmy Kimmel said: Historians just found a document that showed a list of liquor George Washington wanted for his New York headquarters, including a key of brandy, a box of claret, a box of fortified wine, a basket of cordials, and two kinds of cheese. So not only was George Washington the father of our coutnry, he also invented the mini-bar.

3. Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? - Because there were so many knights!

4. An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the history teacher that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the history teacher selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the history teacher, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The history teacher sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

5. In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five-feet, one-inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."

"Why is that?" asked the professor. "For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old..."

6. A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore."

"What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks.

"It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"

"You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling.

"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you..."